Poor Brit...

She's really made a mess of things, hasn't she? The latest blow has been speculation that KFed accused her of spousal abuse, hence the judge's ruling barring her from spanking her children. Who knows whether this is truth or not. I really hope that someone, somewhere is able to get through to her and help her to see what's really important in life, what is real.

But in the meanwhile, I've been having more than a few laughs lately at her expense. Yes, I am an evil bitch. You can go ahead and say it...I completely acknowledge this. Anyways, James at War has a fantabulous parody out there of Nickelback's "I Wanna Be a Rock Star" called "I Wanna be a Pop Star." Thanks to cancon for tipping me off to this the other day on RockBandLounge.com. Here are the lyrics:

I’m through with livin in trailers
With my pushy Mom
I’m only nine and she makes me put make-up on
So I’ll grant her her wish
And I won’t stop ‘till I’m on TV
(Tell me what you want)
I want a brand new nose
And a cleft in my chin
And some breast implants I’ll deny I put in
And a tea cup poodle that I’m
Always carryin with me
(Yea, So what you need)
I need a good producer ‘cause you know I can’t sing
And a lawyer who can get me out of anything
Gonna date Justin Timberlake
To gain some credibility
(Who hasn’t done that)
I want my own perfume and clothing line
It’s all made in sweatshops but that’s just fine
I’ll give the child laborers
A signed copy of my CD
(So how you gonna do it?)
I’m gonna restablish the mousekateers
Start my new life wearin those mickey ears
‘Cause we all just wanna be big Pop Stars
Start out innocent to get my fanbase large
My listeners will be people in their tweens
And old perverts who can’t wait ‘till I turn eighteen
And my first hit will be a Disney song
But my good girl image won’t last too long
My first album just has some innuendo
But by my third album I’ll act like a full blown ho
And well…Hey, Hey, I wanna be a Pop Star
Hey, Hey, I wanna be a Pop Star
I wanna be generic, let the media lead me
Gonna sing canned music that my label feeds me
Oversaturate the market‘till everyone’s sick of me
(Oh trust me it’ll happen)
I’m gonna dress myself without an ounce of class
Gonna Make the boys all drool and stare at my glasses
Gonna hang out with the laughing stock
Of society
(So how you gonna do it?)
I’m gonna lose all sense
Of decency
And sell out all of myIntegrity
‘Cause we all just wanna be big Pop Stars
Papparrazzi getting pictures of my implant scars
I’ll sleep through the days, and party all night long
It’s hard to remember to put panties on
And my male fans will all feel really crushed
When those photos leak that haven’t been airbrushed
I’ll marry a loser who just wants my fame
And I’ll divorce his sorry butt the very next day
Then I’ll drop a hint that I’m a lesbian
Hoping that’ll jump start my lame career again
I’ll pose for magazines like FHM and Marie Claire
Tell ‘em ‘bout how I’m a Christian in my underwear,well
Hey, Hey, I wanna be a Pop Star
I’m gonna have some babies and then I’ll neglect ‘em
Hit my mid-life crisis when I’m 27
Make sure I’m drunk before I start to drive
Get caught lip syncin on Saturday Night Live
Well we all just wanna be big Pop Stars
Make abysmal movies and wreck fifteen cars
I’ll check into rehab after hitting that tree
I’ll check out early but be back next week
And they’ll finally put me behind bars
With a real short sentence since I am a star
The tabloids will tell ‘em that I’ve lost my flair
When the pressures gets to much I’ll just shave my hair
But I’ll work hard to get my life on track
And my fans will all start to accept me back
I’m back on top and sellin’ out my shows
Until my ex releases our sex videos, well
Hey, Hey, I wanna be a Pop Star
Hey, Hey, I wanna be a Pop Star

And yes...there is a video! Check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uSlqI1AVUk

If that's not enough, a band called Nickel Arcade out of Portland, Oregon has a song out called "I Hope That There's Vodka in Heaven." Lyrics:

she was a school girl title wave
jail bait on parade
mtv, vh1, pop culture icon power, fame, fortune too
timberlake, fake boobs
madonna kiss, crossroads trip
then she had like 50 kids.
living like she's on the run
out late, having fun
married kevin federline
her life started to decline
lip sync conspiracy
big gulp dependency
cheetos, cinnabon
looks like aguilera won
i hope that there's vodka in heaven
marb-light tree's and no car seats
and a stage
i hope that there's vodka in heaven
she lived and she died
the britney spears way
hotness began to go down
bad skin, teeth brown
shaved head, belly grows
butt like a wet bag of clothes
attacked a paparazzo's car
showed off her c-section scar
auto crash, rehab
lost her kids to dead beat dad t
hen one night at a skeezy club
dancing turned to making love
she rolled over on a tick
got Lyme disease, got really sick
a few weeks later britney died
nobody cared nobody cried
now that earths
a brit-free zone
everyone can LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!! RIGHT NOW!!!

Wanna hear the song? Check it out on Nickel Arcade's MySpace page: http://www.myspace.com/nickelarcadesucks.

Someone...please...help her wake up and smell the roses before this actually happens. But in the meanwhile, thanks to James at War and Nickel Arcade for the laughs.

And thanks to the amazing Storm Large of Storm and the Balls and Rock Star: Supernova fame for tipping me and countless others off to the Nickel Arcade song!